Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
