there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
