I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
