right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
