this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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