this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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