I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
