my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
