No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
