Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is wine microwaveable?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I believe in your delicious
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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