Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
