is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
