she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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