Can i not drive my cunt home
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
