It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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