when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
