dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
