i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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