today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
