I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
