My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
