she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
