I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
