Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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