Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
