FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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