Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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