I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
worst night to have a conscience
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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