you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
