So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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