I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
