Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
