Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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