The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
