i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
