I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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