Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i've created a new STD.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
