Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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