Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This toilet bowl is my home.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
