I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
