Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
