I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
