she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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