My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
