this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
