I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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