Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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