you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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