i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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