I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
