Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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