I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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