saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
