i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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