if only i could text you this smell
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
