you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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