I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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