I hate your face
She said her name was "party"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
