Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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