Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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