I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
