i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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