I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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