Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
