I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
