i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
