I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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