you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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