my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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