Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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