How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My ass is underappreciated
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
