What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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