Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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