Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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