Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He shit in the fireplace
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
