they said they heard you say put it in my butt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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